Jokes

[BigGuy]

an Oldie........


Subj: Fw: Little Johnny Strikes Again



LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN....A grade school teacher in
Kentucky asked her stu dents to use the word¡fascinate'
went to my granddad's farm,and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating.'The teacher said, 'That was
good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not
fascinating'.Sally raised her hand. She said,'My
family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.'The
teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted
you to use the word 'fascinate.'Little Johnny raised
his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned
by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was
no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she
called on him.Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater
with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only
fasten eight.'The teacher sat down and cried.!!!!!!!!

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[BigGuy]

a friend Thought we would get a laugh out of this...


A guy from Wisconsin moves to Seattle and goes to a big "everything under one roof" retail store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says "One."

The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for??"

The kid says "$101,237.65".

The boss says "$101,237.65?? What the heck did you sell??"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing
rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the
boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the
automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, ''Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.”

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[BigGuy]

got this from Dad yesterday........

SERENITY


Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'



The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.


I've sure gotten old! ?
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'





My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



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Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



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It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
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These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'



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THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.




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Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
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Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

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