Jokes

[Ron61]

Blonde Mortician.........

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an
expensive,
expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she
would like the
body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the
black suit
he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband
looked his best
in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't
care what it
costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the
viewing.

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she
finds her
husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk
stripe; the suit
fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very
satisfied. You did
an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you
spend?' To her
astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank
check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that
exquisite blue
suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased
gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly
after you left
yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked
his wife if
she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead,
and she said
it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'


Scottish Logic

A man in Scotland, calls his son in London, the day before
Christmas Eve and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I thought I'd better tell you
that your Mother and I are divorcing,
45 years of misery is enough."

"Dad, What are you talking about," screams the son.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the Father
says,
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about it,
so you can call your sister in Leeds and tell her."

Frantically, the son phones his sister, who explodes on the
phone,
"Like hell they're getting divorced, leave this with me," she
shouts.

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her Father,
"You are not getting divorced, don't do a thing until I get
there.
I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then DON'T DO A THING," and hangs up the phone.

The Old Man, hangs up the phone, turns to his wife and says,
"They're both coming for Christmas and they're paying their own
way."