Jokes

[Ron61]

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the
same barbershop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different
barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even
afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to
politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama
in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Obama was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my
wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a
whorehouse,"

The second barber turned to McCain and said, "How
about you?"
McCain replied, "Go ahead; my wife doesn't know
what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

[Ron61]

A sweet grandmother telephoned Parkview Hospital. She
timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?'

The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name
and room number?' The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said,

'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold wh ile I check with her nurse.'

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said,
'Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing
very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came
back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'

The grandmother said, 'Thank you . That's wonderful! I was so
worried! God bless you for the good news.' The operator replied,
'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?'

The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me ****.'

[Ron61]

Dear Tide...

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it

all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now

that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago,

I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate

and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and

generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another

and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and

satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out

so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests

on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was

no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a

murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, I GOTTA GO, have to write to the Hefty bag people

[Ron61]

Two young men from up in Minnesooooota
were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven 'Have you seen the
beautiful girls in this catalog?'

Sven replies, 'Yes, they are very
beautiful. And look at the price!'

Ole says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they
aren't very expensive. At this price,
I'm buying one.'

Sven smiles and pats him on the back.
'Good idea! Order one and if she's as
beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get
one too.' Three weeks later, Sven man asks his friend
Ole, 'Did you ever receive the
girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

Ole replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be
long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'