Jokes

[cobra de capell]

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said ,'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 22 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that, Doc ?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend , much like you, who's an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. OUT of pure habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied , 'My point exactly'.
_____

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for a physical. All his tests come back showing normal results. The doctor said, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

George replied, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight and he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, "POOF"! the light goes on. When I'm finished, "POOF" the light goes off."

Later in the day the doctor called George's wife, Ethel, and said, "George is doing fine, but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that when he gets up during the night, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he's finished the light goes off?"

"Oh Lord help me! said Ethel, "he's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
_____

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.'

'Oh my goodness gracious ,' said the teller, 'and will you be working on the house again this week, too?'

The little girl replied, 'I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the f*ckin' sheet rock...'

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?