Jokes

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It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said; I bet I know what it is. Some flowers. That’s right. the boy said. But how did you know? Oh, just a wild guess, she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter.
The Teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said I bet I can guess what it is. Is it a box of candy? That’s right. But how did you know? Asked the girl. Oh, just a wild guess, said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. Is it wine? She asked. No, the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. Is it champagne? She asked. No, the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, I give up, what is it? With great glee, the boy replied, it’s a puppy!
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Actually, within the list of the top ten Club member with the most posts at least three of them are posting from.......



Sometimes great pictures come out of a great camera angle.....

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Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as:
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5

And then installed undesirable programs such as :
· NBA 5.0
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1
Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

----

DEAR DESPERATE ,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 - program these are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7

Good Luck!
Tech Support

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A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, 'Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.'

She said, 'You have the biggest **** of all your friends.'
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The rest of the world cannot understand how after bitter election campaigns, American politicians can return to reality. For instance, Sarah Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. **** Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.

What a gal! That Sarah is such a good sport and thinks of everything.
_____

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Little Johnny was in the classroom bored to the back teeth on a Friday afternoon, and the teacher decided to have a game for the kids to get them thinking.

'Okay class. Now I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off' said the teacher.

'Who is credited with writing the phrase 'To be or not to be, That is the question,' asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, 'Shakespeare'.

'Well done!' said the teacher, 'You can have Monday off.

'No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard,' said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

'Well okay,' said the teacher.

The next quote is, 'I had a dream!

'Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out 'I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!'

'Well done!' said the teacher. 'You can have Monday off'

'No thanka you miss. I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too,' said little Fri Sum Kat. 'Okay,' said the teacher.

Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, 'F#^*ing > Asians!'
'Who said that?' yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

'Pauline Hanson!' yelled little Johnny. 'See ya Tuesday!!!!