Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, while a beautiful, big-breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his *****. They were told that anyone whose bell rang when the nude model danced in front of them would not be ordained, because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground. Embarrassed, he took a few steps forward and bent over to pick up the bell...

Then all the other bells started to ring.
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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.'"
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The following are actual instructions found on the named items:

ON HAIRDRYER;
- Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP,
- Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
- Fits one head.

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
- Product will be hot after heating

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
- Remove clothes before ironing

ON CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE
- Do not drive car or operate machinery

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
- Warning: may cause drowsiness

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
- Warning: keep out of children

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
- For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
- Not to be used for the other use

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
- Warning: contains nuts

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
- Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
- Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands