Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Old Guys Don't Care

As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the medical establishment. For example, my internist referred me to a female urologist. I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous. She's beautiful, sexy and unbelievably big breasted. She told me that I have to stop masturbating. When I asked her why, she said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you...'
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Bad day at Hallmark

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
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Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.
_____

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'
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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.
_____

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?
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I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ...

I've changed my mind.
_____

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.
_____

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.
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Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.
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Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )
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Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!
_____

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.
_____

We have been friends for a very long time .

let's say we stop?
_____

I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.
_____

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?
_____

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.
____

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
_____

A CHL motorist on the Ohio Turnpike gets stopped by the Ohio Turnpike Patrol.

The driver pulls over, rolls his window down, and puts his hands on the steering wheel.

As the officer approaches the driver's window, the driver tells the officer that he is CHL and that he is carrying.

He then ask the officer how he would like to proceed?

The Patrolman ask the driver if he, meaning "the patrolman" has anything to be afraid of while conducting his traffic stop?

The driver responded by saying, "Not yet"!