Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Grandpa had a ritual he looked forward to every Sunday morning. He would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time - just he and his little granddaughter. On one
particular Sunday, however, he had a very bad cold and didn't feel like getting out of bed at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

Upon their return, the little girl anxiously ran up stairs to see her grandfather.


'Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?' 'Oh, yes, grandpa,' the girl replied, 'and do you know what? We didn't see one dumb b@$t@rd or stupid $h*t head anywhere we went today!'
_____

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts
slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue
business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion,
she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and
places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,
unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants;
takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist,
gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last
nickel,which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the
nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar
without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill
effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

'No,' the woman replied. I'm with the I.R.S...'
_____

A man is sitting in a bar far from home when Barack Obama comes on TV. The man looks at the TV and says, "Obama is a horse's ass."

Out of nowhere, a local jumps up and punches him in the face, knocking the first guy off his bar stool, then stomps out.

He gets up, rubbing his cheek and orders another beer. Shortly after,Michelle Obama appears on the TV. He looks at the TV and says, "She is a horse's ass too!"

Out of nowhere, another local punches him on the other side of the face, knocking him off his bar stool again.

He gets back up and looks at the bartender, "I take it this is Obama country?"

"Nope." replies the bartender. "Horse country."