Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Q: Why is Obama going to let the North Korean missile hit Hawaii?
A: Because then he can say that THEY destroyed his Birth Certificate!

Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says, “Hey, where did you get that?”

The parrot says, “ Kenya ... they’re all over the place!”

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night.
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."
The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien said, "I'd calm down if I were you.
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting.
Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire"
The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad."
"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien.
He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire.
There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt, crumpled mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
About a half hour passed.
When he finally regained consciousness, he re-focused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big green head.
"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien "He dam near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?"
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, you don't want to mess with him!"

Thank you for purchasing "Bubba & Cooter's Book of Sure-fire Pick-up Lines"
brought to you by Bubba & Cooter, straight outta the hills..
Enjoy!


1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin' girl here,
but beauty's only a light switch away.

I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as winder cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon..

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up.