Jokes

[cobra de capell]

I took a friend out to lunch today and pointed out that they had tongue on the menu. She said Eww please, I'm not going to eat something that came out of a cow's mouth. I'll just have an egg salad sandwich.
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Feeling down??

Fed up???

Need cheering up???

Well here's the answer....................


Watch your wedding video backwards, you'll love the bit where she takes the ring off, walks out of the church jumps in the car and f**ks off!!
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?













About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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Why is it better to fall into a vat of concentrated sulfuric acid than into a vat of molten optical glass?

It is commendable to be part of the solution, but there is no point in making a spectacle of yourself.
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The Women's Historical Society located Tom Dooley's gravesite and sought permission to have his body exhumed.

They wanted to know how he was hung.
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The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, therefore saving money.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS.



Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.