Jokes

[cobra de capell]

WHY I LIKE RETIREMENT



And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !!!

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal .

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.



Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
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(Washington, D.C. - 8/8/09) "It's amazing to me the millions of American who firmly believe the citizens of the United States are still represented by Congress. In case they haven't noticed, there is a reason Democratic Party Czars are being appointed by the President to oversee many programs that used to fall under Congress control", a top Democrat said today.

"The czars have no one to report to besides the President, they don't have to face constituents, they have complete control of the areas they are specializing in and have the ability to do what they want regardless the demands of Americans whose biggest decision should be Fixodent or Polygrip."

"We know this is an exercise in futility for them, that regardless what they want or how much they protest at these town hall meetings, we're going to give them an insurance program that will cost a lot of money we don't have, but at this point it's irrelevant. Giving them opportunity to vent gives Washington a reference point for sentiment but that's the point. Let them think they're going to made a difference when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. We realize we're going to be dead and gone when the bill comes due so it's our "feel good" moment in history."

"Besides, when the elections come around, we know for a fact millions will automatically vote for whoever has a D after their name regardless of their stand on this minor insurance flap."

"In a nutshell, we're keeping everyones attention focused on the left hand and no one is noticing what the right hand is doing. It's a perfect storm of opportunity."

Developing..
_____

Dorothy and Edna, two 'senior' widows, are talking.

Dorothy: 'That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.'

Edna: 'Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!

Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car...A limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner... A marvelous dinner... Lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks.Then we go see a show. Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL.

Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!'

Dorothy: 'Goodness gracious!... So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?'

Edna: 'No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress.'
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