Jokes

[cobra de capell]

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her

on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found

shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my

wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs.Hudson

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.We

cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the

store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. J.Hudson are listed below and are

documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2:

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7:

He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19:

Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get

on it right away?. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and

receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union

grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4:

Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.

6. August 14:

Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15:

Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite

them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to

which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23:

When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't

you people just leave me alone?' Police were called.

9. September 4:

Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked

his nose.

10. September 10:

While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk

where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:

Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission

Impossible' theme.

12.. October 6:

In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of

funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,

yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21:

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and

screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:

15. October 23:

Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,

'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.

One of the clerks fainted!
_____

A wealthy woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! ......Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?"

The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
_____