Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Linda visited a psychic of some local repute.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Linda stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single, flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:

"Will I be acquitted?"
_____

A woman goes into a dentist's surgery, and after her examination, the dentist says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill that tooth.

Horrified, the woman replies, Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.

To which the dentist replies, Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair..............
_____

A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work The clerk told her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!'

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager comes to the woman and asks,'Ma'am what's wrong?'

She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

'PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!'

Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, 'Ma'am, why are you saying that?' ! ;

In a huff, the woman says,

'BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M BEING SCREWED !!'

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!
_____

The Wedding Fairy . . .

A married couple in their early 60's was celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."

The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband."

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the
Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic,
but an opportunity like this will never come
again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger
than me."

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a
wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92
years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful b@$tards should
remember fairies are female.....