Do you need a Stimulus?

[cobra de capell]

WOW - I was able to insert my need to buy more cars in the 'American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009' under the section noted below...


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National Telecommunications and Information Administration

salaries and expenses

For an additional amount for `Salaries and Expenses', $350,000,000, to remain available until September 30, 2011: Provided, That funds shall be available to establish the State Broadband Data and Development Grant Program, as authorized by Public Law 110-385, for the development and implementation of statewide initiatives to identify and track the availability and adoption of broadband services within each State, and to develop and maintain a nationwide broadband inventory map, as authorized by section 6001 of division B of this Act.

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Cobra de Capell for the Cobra de Capell Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $5,000,000,000 shall be paid directly to Cobra de Capell in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Cobra de Capell to Buy more cars or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Cobra de Capell will receive free O'Reilly Factor tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Cobra de Capell shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Pelosi is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.
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Notice that I was not greedy - only want $5 billion as my share.

Now, if you have a need for a stimulus, go to http://www.reason.com/stimulus/request.php - fill out a request for a stimulus, see if you are worthly enough to be approved and, if yes, view your grant.