Barack Motors

[VRM]

If the US Government were to design and build a car:

1. Thirty Federal agencies will submit designs, 8 will be approved in committee, and a combination of 11 designs will pass both the House and Senate. This process will repeat when the other party takes control a few years later.

2. When the DNC is in charge you will only be able to buy cheap economy cars with no horsepower.

3. When the GOP is in charge you will only be able to buy cars designed 80 years ago, because technological advances are too progressive.

4. GOP features include:
Bible Belts for safety devices.
Gunracks - up to 8 per vehicle.
Extra engine - just to burn even more gas.
You will only be able to go straight, unless you park it in a bathroom stall.
Jesus can be your co-pilot, but that is a weekly extra tithe option.
Cowcatcher - for getting those pesky pedestrians out of YOUR way.
AM radio that only plays the local Christian station and Rush Limbaugh.
Ten permanently mounted 'Support the Troops' emblems.
Rich Corinthian Leather made from dead baby seals and other cute animals.
Any colour can be ordered as long as it is RedState Red.

5. DNC mandatory options incllude:
Twelve point safety harnesses, multiple full body airbags, full face helmet, and Hans device.
An ultra fuel efficient engine that will run on anything, including Al Gore speeches.
Advanced electronics package to do everything for you, and including web access with the homepage permanently set to 'Move On'.
Plant/Animal Collision Avoidance system approved by PETA.
Heaters powered by global warming - air conditioners are against the law.
Any colour can be ordered as long as it is BlueState Blue or SaveThePlanet Green.

6. GOP cars will be built in Canada using slave labour because red state hillbillies are too uneducated to build cars. They will be so expensive that only the 20 richest people in the country will be able to afford one, and all profits will go to the CEOs.

7. DNC cars will be built right in America with union labour trained in the most advanced 19th century building techniques. Each employee will make up to $450 per hour, but each car will only cost $213. The taxpayers will make up the rest.

8. Nascar will race, and subsequently destroy, two GOP cars when they find out that it cannot turn at all, but can only stay the course. A French team will race the DNC car at the 24 Hours of LeMans. It will finish last in class, but will win the Index of Performance award for the highest average speed for the least fuel consumed. It will average 7mph over the entire 24 hours running on a small stale piece of French bread, and a mouldy smear of brie.

9. The GOP car will be called the Exceptional Rush of All American Patriotism, despite being built in Canada. The GOP will engage in a large propaganda campaign to convince everyone that the car really is American. The DNC car will be called The Peoples Moonbat.

10. It will take an act of Congress to make Americans buy either car.