Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

- Ronald Reagan

Conservatives and Liberals.
Random Thoughts On The Difference.


If a conservative doesn’t like guns, they don’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, then no one should have one.


If a conservative is a vegetarian, they don’t eat meat.
If a liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.


If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.


If a conservative is homosexual, they quietly enjoy their life.
If a liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.


If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.


If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.


If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.


If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal wants any mention of God or religion silenced.


If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that his neighbors pay for his.

Congress says they're looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $23.7 Trillion disappear!

Two Rules of Finance
1. Buy Low...Sell High
2. When your Liabilities get to High...Your Assets in Jail.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

"Medicine is the keystone of the arch of the socialist state.” Vladimir Lenin.

If at first you don't succeed, **** it!

One of my skydiving favorites -

He who hesitates shall inherit the earth.

I took my boys to the Tennessee Aquarium (Chattanooga) this summer. Went to the food court and was munching on a fish sandwich when suddenly it ocurred to me I might be eating a slow learner.

There are 3 kinds of people.


Those that make things happen!

Those that watch things happen!

And those who wonder, "What Happened?"

Dammit CDC follow the rules...

I play golf, the more I play the worse I get. I play craps, the more I play the worse I get. I play the stock market, the more I play the worse I get. I play with my self...oh well.

Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.

Do men suffer PMS? I swear I am suffering from this.

Sometimes you have to wonder if technology is all that great.

What do you get if you combine PMS with GPS ?

A crazy woman that can find you.

There are 3 sides to every story.

One side, the other side, and the truth which is probably somewhere in between.

"In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. From time to time we've been tempted to believe that society has become too complex to be managed by self-rule, that government by an elite group is superior to government for, by, and of the people. Well, if no one among us is capable of governing himself, then who among us has the capacity to govern someone else?"

-- Ronald Reagan, January 20, 1981

"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If the--if he--if 'is' means is and never has been, that is not--that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement....Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true." -Bill Clinton

Acluistic: A definition

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance. ~Edward Flaherty

Human ears. WTF? Have you ever stopped and actually looked at them? I am convinced that they are what stands between God, us, and monkeys. Go ahead and watch any video and SEE if you cannot notice them.

Mike