Random Musings Thread

[bomelia]

There are rules for posting on this thread. I hope the mods will help enforce them. This is a "random musings" thread. Just that.

1.) No debating, no criticism, no discussion, nor praise, no anything. Musings have to be "witty" thoughts. If you post a response to a musing, you and your response will be abused and hopefully deleted.

2.) The musings should be original. Historical quotes with a twist and relevance are permitted (yea encouraged!) but proper attribution is required.

3.) Proper spelling is required. This is big...HUGE! If you can't spell or properly compose a sentence, get the phuck out of here.

4.) No personal attacks. And no taking offense to a musing as a personal attack. Anybody violating this rule should (hopefully "shall") be banned for 3.1415926 days. Given the irrationality of the said term of punishment, the mods will have the freedom to make rash determinations as to the conclusion of the punishment.

5.) All personal messages (PMs) used to violate any of these rules can (and hopefully will) be used against you.

6.) No subject is taboo except for any expressly forbidden in the TOS.

Have Fun. <--smile with glee here

Mike

Amendment 1.) No pictures, graphics, smilies, etc. Words only. If you can't convey a witty musing without telling us where to laugh, then you aren't smart enough to post here. Don't feel bad, you are not alone in this.

Amendment 2.) No links. WTF?

Amendment 3.) If mods pose a time of suspense in any particular area of discussion (e.g. politics), you cannot use this thread to get arround it. Goes without phucking saying, no? You get this thread locked and I will send Guido over to talk with you. He's not near as nice as I am.

[bomelia]

I am thinking of starting a new cable TV channel. WET. The White Entertainment Channel.

Mike

[terry251]

I always wonder why, after a lot of work or exercise, I smell bad to my wife, but good to my dogs?

Terry

[bomelia]

Fish. Stupid, stinky, slimy fish. What is it about them that make grown men lie?

Mike

[Roscoe]

I became confused when I heard the word “Service” used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue ‘Service’
U.S. Postal ‘Service’
Telephone ‘Service’
Cable TV ‘Service’
Civil ‘Service’
State, City, County & Public ‘Service’
Customer ‘Service’

This is not what I thought ‘Service’ meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ‘Service’ a few cows.
BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I am.

[EarlsflyinCobra]

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.......by Dale Carnegie

[Maurice Johnson]

No matter what the repercussion, one should always say "It seemed like a good idea at the time", and shrug shoulders.

[392cobra]

If God didn't want us to eat cows he would not have made them out of beef !

[Buzz]

If man were a bottle, his cork would be on his head.

[Jamo]

If I had a feminine side, I'd be touching it.

[Buzz]

Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's wife. ('tis ok if thou useth a Cobra, though)

[VRM]

A few things I have often wondered about:

If you take a room and line it with mirrors, and then turn on and then turn off a light source, where does the light go?

If Harry is short for Harold, and Gerry is short for Gerald, shouldn't Barry be short for Barold?

If 'un' is a prefix that indicates the opposite action of the verb it is used with (furl vs unfurl), then shouldn't 'derstand' mean to not comprehend? And, wouldn't it follow that 'der' means above?

Steve

[Wayne Maybury]

30 days hath Septober, April, June, and no wonder, all the rest have 31, except Grandma who had peanut butter and jelly.

[Scott S]

If you can go broke sitting at home why am I working at it?

[Bobcat]

Why do the airlines use the words .... "final approach" ... and "terminal " ??

[bomelia]

In Huntsville, AL we have a major road called the Parkway. Everyday I come into work I drive on the Parkway. At night when I go home I drive on the Parkway. But when I get home, I park in the driveway. - paraphrased from Steven Wright

[Maurice Johnson]

I am a sailor who has been blown off-shore.

[392cobra]

It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission besides mine gets mad and doesn’t talk to me for a week,its like a vacation without the beach

[Scott S]

Under every tree is a stump waiting to be born.

[Buzz]

Do unto muthas as they would do unto you.