Jokes

[bliss]

If you love something, set it free.

If it returns, it probably can't pay its student loans.
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I got kicked out of the

dentist's for using all the nitrous oxide. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
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Cool pilot story....


Once upon a time, a pilot asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?"

The princess said, "No!"

And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Weihenstephaner German beer and Captain Morgan and never heard *****ing and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftover meals, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end.
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[bliss]

Lazy people fact #4564321564

You were too lazy to read that number.
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I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down!

Then I heard this Muslim guy saying he had the entire Koran on a DVD.

I was interested, so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started.
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A young couple, on the brink of divorce, visits a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife, “What’s the problem?”

She says, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.”

The counselor turns to her husband and inquires, “Is that true?”

The husband replies, “Well not exactly, she’s the one that suffers, not me.”
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