Jokes

[bliss]

I just had a physical.
The doctor said, "Don't eat anything fatty"
I said, "Like bacon, and burgers?"
He said, "No fatty, don't eat anything!"
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This is what all of us 80+-year-olds, and those yet-to-be, have to look forward to!! This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there had small apartments but they all ate at a central cafeteria.

One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly, so she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room but found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of a time. He had a death grip on the handrail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first stair step so they called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one side of his boxer shorts.

I am sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know all the facts.
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I'm sure my coworker is having an affair with my wife...

He's been very miserable lately.
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A blond is in a car crash and she says, "I think I have a concussion." The paramedic asks, "How many fingers do I have up?" The blond shrieks, "Oh my God! I am paralyzed from the waist down, too!"