Jokes

[bliss]

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it'd be fun to throw rocks at the hive.

Finally, the bees got tired of it. Being the intelligent bees that they were, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees hear from the fields, and then the bees come back to protect
their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the "Lever Bee." His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now obviously, the security of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So he has to be constantly ready and on the alert to be able to do his job.

And that is why people say,
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"I'm as ready as a Lever Bee."
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A boy and his Father visiting from a third world country were at an American shopping mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, “What is this Father?”.

The Father responded, “Son I have never seen anything like this in my life,
I don’t know what it is!”

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers
above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The Father said to his son, “Go get your Mother”.
_____

Judging by all the screaming and moaning, I'm not sure whether the vegan couple next door were shagging or if they just had bacon for the first time.
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Two cowboys are talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think that I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"Hmmm, I don't think I've ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy. "What's that?"

"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours -- and you mount her from behind -- and you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands -- and then you whisper in her ear, "Boy these feel just like your sister's" -- and then you try to hold on for 10 seconds.
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Just before their first long deployment two Navy buddies were talking about the stress of
leaving their families.

A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard the conversation and offered
the following advice:

"You must be sensitive to your wives' emotional needs," he said. "Never, ever, whistle while you pack!"