Jokes

[bliss]

Covid pickup lines.....

If COVID-19 doesn’t take you out, can I?

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

Since the public libraries are closed I’m checking you out instead.

You can’t spell virus without U and I.

Baby do you need toilet paper? I can be your Prince Charmin.

I saw you from across the bar. Stay there.
_______

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door,
Jill said, "Wait a minute, I want to see how you unlock the door."

"Why?" John asks.

"Because I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

"Well," Jill explains, "if a guy shoves his key into the lock and opens the door hard,
then that means he is a rough lover and he isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can't
seem to find the keyhole, that means he is inexperienced and he isn't for me either. So,
how do you unlock your door?"

Without hesitation, John says, "Well, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
______

My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.

Me: Can we change the subject?

My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
_____

My wife asked me if she died would I re-marry?

I said no, I'd just go and live with my brother.

Then I asked her if she'd re-marry if I died.

She said no, she would just go and live with my brother too