Twas the night before Christmas....

[4RE KLR]

Here is one I wrote ten years or so ago.

It was the night before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas
And all through the house;
Everyone had gas
Even the Mouse

The kids were all tucked
All snug in their beds;
In case someone tooted
They could cover their heads

The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care;
In hopes they’d all get
New skid mark free, underwear

Mom in her robe
And me, fresh out of my coat;
I knew it was time
To go pinch a loaf

When out on the porch
There rose such a clatter;
Santa was taking a leak
It was beginning to splatter

Santa was happy
A right jolly old elf;
He smelled something funny
And started checking himself

With Santa’s keen nose
He smelt a stench in the air;
He looked and he looked
But nobody cared

When Santa bent over
To open his sack;
The only thing shinning
Was a big plumbers crack

With tears in his eyes
He said, “What do they eat;
This air is so thick
And smells worse than my feet”

Santa gave up
Threw the toys in the air;
He said, “Life is too short
This is curling my hair”

Santa mumbled something
As he rushed for the door;
He said “I’ve had all I can stand
And I can’t stands no more”

As Santa Claus left
He was headed for Reno;
He said “Merry Christmas to all
Next year, I’m bringing Beano”