Ignore (EOM)

[Ron61]

Tru,

How I wish that was the problem. Now my doctor is hedging on me even attempting the Reno trip next month. I have to make a decision on this soon so I can let Duane know by the middle of this month. I was really looking forward to that, but the way things are going I may not be able to drive more than a few miles much longer.

On a lighter side. For Kristen

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this bank is
installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the below outlined procedures when accessing their accounts.

MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed after months of
careful research.

MALE PROCEDURE
1.. Drive up to the cash machine.
2.. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
3.. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
4.. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
5.. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1.. Drive up to cash machine.
2.. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window
with the machine.
3.. Set parking brake, put the window down
4.. Find handbag; remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
5.. Turn the radio down.
6.. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7.. Open the car door to allow easy access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the vehicle.
8.. Insert card.
9.. Reinsert card the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash
inside.
17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Recheck make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate cardholder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver
lined up behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull away.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release Parking Brake

Ron

[hey,littlecobra]

I have NEVER left my card in the machine.....

I won't tell the story about leaving the parking brake on.....

[Ron61]

Kristen,

How about trading me about 15 years of your health and stamina so I can do some fun things. I really enjoy reading about all of your going as it reminds me of when I was able to just take off and go anywhere with no worries. Now I panic every time I pass a drug store wondering what kind of medication I forgot.

Oh well, I just have to try to spend my remaining time gracefully and enjoy what things I can do and forget about the things that I can no longer do. That should clear about 4/5ths of my mind.

Ron

[392cobra]

Ron,
Here is another way of looking at growing older.

LIKE BEING OLD!


The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was
> taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction,
> she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an
> interesting
> question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.
>
> Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in
> my
> life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime
> despair over my body_-but I don't agonize over it for long.
>
> I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
> family
> for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more
> kind
> to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I
> don't
> chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or
> for
> buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant
> garde
> on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I
> have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they
> understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
>
> Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 am, and sleep until noon?
> I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's & 60ies, and
> if I at the same time wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I know I am
> sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well
> forgotten _ and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the
> years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you
> lose
> a loved one, or when a child suffers? But broken hearts are what give us
> strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
> pristine
> and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
>
> I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray, and
> to
> have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So
> many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could
> turn
> silver. I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it. As
> you
> get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other
> people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the
> right
> to be wrong.
>
> So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me free. I
> like
> the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am
> still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or
> worrying about what will be. For the first time in my life, I don't have
> to
> have a reason to do the things I want to do. If I want to play games on
> the
> computer all day, lay on the couch and watch old movies for hours or don't
> want to go to the beach or a movie, I have earned that right. I have put
> in
> my time doing everything for others, so now I can be a bit selfish without
> feeling guilty.
>
> I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far different world
> than
> I knew growing up, where we feared the law, respected the old, the flag,
> our
> country. I never felt the need to use filthy language in order to express
> myself. And they too will grow old someday.
>
> I am grateful to have been born when I was, into a kinder, gentler world.
>
> Yes, I like being old!

[Ron61]

Fred,

Thanks, that was great. It did bring back some memories, but most of all I now have a legimitate excuse to ignore my doctors orders and eat what I want and do what I can.
And boy, can I ever relate to a kinder gentler world. I remember when people used to help each other and then not hold their hand out for pay. Last yeat I stopped along the freeway and changed a flat tire for a woman and when she asked me what she owed me I told her nothing, to just help some other person when she could. Here is her exact statement. " What are you, some kind of dam fag. I don't help anyone unless I get something in return." I really thought about taking the wheel that I had just put on back off and driving away.

Ron

[392cobra]

Ron,
Your story about the ungrateful woman and the tire reminded me of an event I had about 30 years ago.

It was a cold and very windy day here in Dallas,I was at Northpark Mall.
While walking up to the north side of the mall to the big glass doors I saw a woman struggling to pull open the door against a gale force wind.Being at best 4' 10-11" she wasn't having much luck.
I smiled and opened the door for her .She wasted no time getting inside.But instead of being polite and saying thanks she got mad and started giving me a load of $hit for opening the door for her.
You know the typical stuff about being a strong independent woman that didn't need any help from any man.On and on and on....

After just a little of this my patience with the little ill tempered wench ran out.

I picked her up from under the arm pits and put her back outside.

It was a lot nicer listening to her as she struggled with the door with her outside and me inside.
After a while I smiled at her and left to take care of my business,with her still outside.

[Ron61]

Fred,

I love the way you handled that. Now I wish I had taken the darn wheel back off and left her standing there. But she didn't even know what a lug wrench was when I asked here if she had one.

THANK GOODNESS WE ARE NOT THIS OLD!

An older couple decides to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

That night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure," he replies. "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write that down because you know you'll forget it." He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then, grumbling, he heads for the kitchen.

Twenty minutes later, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and asks, "Where's my toast?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A senior citizen said to his 80-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting Married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it’s Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" Twelve thirty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'"

Ron

[trularin]

I feel old just reading all that.

Ron, you are beginning to generate a topic.

This thread has NO topic.

[Ron61]

Tru,

Just for you I will post this one in the new jokes thread if I can find it. My doctor isn't happy as I went to one of the show and shines yesterday and was sick the rest of the day. It is raining today, so I will spend most of the day in bed or just laying around. Man, I tell you this last week or so has been very trying to both my patience and faith.

Ron

[LwCwb]

This topiclessish thread needs to be revived... post the first word that comes to your mind...

[blykins]

cam

[EarlsflyinCobra]

cooooooooooooooooooooooooookies.........

[hey,littlecobra]

God bless America.....
(just got back from 2nd grade patriotic program )

[trularin]

Figures it would be Kristen who can not follow the rules.

Darlington.

[Ron61]

RAIN

Ron

[hey,littlecobra]

scrapbook

[LwCwb]

I may have to get you to scrapbook all of the pics i'll get at the car shows this year Kristen.

[trularin]

You dropped the ball, Mike.

Did you ever notice that as soon as the weather is nice, everybody wants you to helps with something???

I have eight things to fix on my cobra, and I have not been able to get at her for over a week.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[trularin]

Oh yeah, thanks Blykins.

I got it.

[blykins]

Tru...definitely not what you deserve.....but the best I could do with a small company budget.....sorry....