Jokes

[CobraEd]

Originally Posted by bliss

This guy got what he deserved....

Oh Yeah Baby, . . . Gotta Love It !!!!!

[bliss]

I was explaining to my wife that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said 'I'd like to come back as a cow'.

I said 'You obviously weren't listening'
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A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope!

I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."

His wife just smiled and said, "Thank you".

[bliss]

[bliss]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance', she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra.'

'What is Irish Viagra?' she asked.

'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.'

It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?'

'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.'
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A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. So he decided to test it on himself first.

He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on, and voila, everything else was automatic! He really had a good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. However, when the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off. He read the manual, but did not find any useful information.

He tried every button on the instrument - some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or less - but still he had no success getting out of it. Panicking, he just barely reached the phone and called the supplier's customer service hotline.

The farmer: "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It worked fantastic. But how can I take it off from the cow's udder?"

Customer Service: "Don't worry. The machine was programmed to release automatically after collecting about 2 gallons of milk."