Jokes

[bliss]

A friend just returned from a visit to a looted CVS pharmacy in Baltimore. She said all that was left was suntan lotion and Father's Day cards......
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My favorite drawings at the Muhammad cartoon festival in Texas were the two chalk outlines out front.
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What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.
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Is Google a Boy or a Girl?

A girl, because it tries to complete your sentences for you, and it never ever forgets what you said.
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[bliss]

My wife is a sex object.

Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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My doctor recommended I work out with dumbbells, so I asked my wife and her sister if they wanted to go jogging with me.
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My neighborhood watch group is having a meeting about the creepy guy. I wasn't invited.
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URGENT WARNING!

If you get an email titled "Nude Photo of Hillary Clinton" — for God’s sake DO NOT open it!

It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

[bliss]

Mars Landing


TEXTING BETWEEN GENERATIONS..

*Daughter to Dad...*

Daddy, I am coming home to get married, soon. So, get out your checkbook. LOL :>) I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia, and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thank you sooooo much!, Your favorite daughter, Lilly



*Dad's Reply.... (also by texting)...*

My Dear Lilly: Like, Wow! Really? Cool! AWESOME! Whatever... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on Ebay. L.O.L. (lots of love), Daddy
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One day, someone will call me sir without adding "I think we're going to have to ask you to leave."
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Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?


A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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[bliss]

English is weird..

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
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A traveling salesman is riding through the countryside when his car breaks down. He walks to a nearby farmhouse and asks to use the phone.

The farmer tells him, "We ain't got a phone, but I'm headin' into town tomorrow an' you kin spend the night here. O' course you'll have to sleep in the same bed as my three sons, here."

And the salesman says, "Wait a minute. I'm in the wrong joke."

The farmer adds, "And an outdated one, too. Nowadays salesmen jes' carry a cell phone."
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Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?

A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

[Gaz64]

Originally Posted by bliss

Mars Landing


Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?


A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
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I like this one, can I use it at work and substitute "lawyer" with "salesman or service manager"?

Keep them coming Bliss, a great job.

Gary