This is the message that the Maroochydore High School Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This is the actual answering machine message for the school.
This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
The outgoing message: Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.
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A vegetative state
Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room chatting about things and......life... and... Then, we talked about living and dying.
I said to her: ' Dear, if ever I end up in a vegetative state when you are alive, please never let me go on like that.....totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die'.
Up went my wife from the sofa, with this real look of admiration towards me...and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the Ipod, and the Xbox, and then went to the fridge and threw away all my beer!!
....I ALMOST DIED!!
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The Happy Old Lady
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed an older lady sitting on her front
step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said,
"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look! What's your secret?"
"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day," she said.
"Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, eat pork, red meat and lots junk food. On weekends, I pop a pill or two, get laid, and yes, I don't do any exercise at all."
"That is absolutely amazing for person your age of 90+ or may be a hundred." he said trying to guess her age.
Finally, the doctor asked "How old EXACTLY are you?"
"Thirty-four." she replied.
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