Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Please stop with the snopes stuff - this is purely a joke thread.....get it?

LADY'S YEARLY EXAM

Went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

The nurse starts with certain basics.

How much do you weigh?' she asks. '135,' I say. The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 4,' I say.
The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'2.

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.
'Of course it's high!' I scream, 'When I came in here I was tall and
slender! Now I'm short and fat!'

She put me on Prozac. What a *****.
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An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

'You comma to de front door of the apartamenta. I am inna apartamenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow, pusha button 301. I will buzza you in..

Coma inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and wit you elbow, pusha 3. When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.'

'Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

'What . . .You coming empty handed?
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A minister, a priest and a rabbi went hiking on a very hot day. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was very isolated, they decided to get naked and go for a swim just like they did at the ol' swimming hole in boyhood.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries. As they were crossing a big open area, along came a group of local women on a hike. Unable to get dressed in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the giggling ladies left and the men got their clothes on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in my congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
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