Jokes

[cobra de capell]

The Rabbi"s Hat

One very windy day, a rabbi was on his way to the temple. Suddenly a strong gust of wind blew his streimel (fur hat) off his head. The rabbi ran after his hat but the wind was so strong it kept blowing his hat farther and farther away.. He just couldn"t catch up with it.

A young gentile man, witnessing this event and being more fit than the rabbi, ran after the hat and caught it. The young gentile man handed the hat over to the rabbi. The rabbi was so pleased and grateful that he gave the man twenty dollars, put his hand on the man"s head and blessed him. The young man was very excited about both the tip and the blessing.

The young gentile decided to take his new found wealth to the racetrack. He bet the entire $20 on the first race that he could. After the races the young man returned home and recounted his very exciting day at the races to his father. "I arrived at the fifth race," said the young man."I looked at the racing program and saw a horse by the name of " Top Hat" was running. The odds on this horse were 100-to-1. It was the longest shot in the field."

After saving the rabbi"s hat, having received the rabbi"s blessing, gotten the $20, and seeing " Top Hat" in the fifth race, I thought this was a message from God. So, I bet the entire 20 dollars on Top Hat." "An amazing thing happened. The horse that was the longest shot and who did not have the slightest chance to even show, came, in first by 5 lengths."

"You must have made a fortune," said the father.

"Well yes, $2000. But wait, it gets better," replied the son. "In the following race, I looked at the program. A horse by the name of "Stetson" was running. The odds on the horse were 30 to 1". Stetson being some kind of hat and again thinking of the rabbi"s blessing and his hat, I decided to bet all my winnings on this horse."

"What happened?" asked the excited father. "Stetson came in like a rocket. Now I had $60,000!" "Are you telling me you brought home all this money?" asked his excited father. "No," said the son. "I lost it all on the next race. There was a horse in this race named "Chateau," which is French for hat. So I decided to bet all the money on Chateau. But the horse broke down and came in last."

"Hat in French is "Chapeau" not "Chateau" you moron," said the father. "You lost all of the money because of your ignorance. Tell me, what horse won the race?"

The son answered, "A long shot from Japan named 'Yarmalka'"
_____

Two medical students were walking down the street and saw an old man walking with his legs apart.

He was stiff legged and walking slowly.

One of the students said to his friend, 'I'm sure the poor old man has Petry Syndrome. Those people
walk just like that.'

The other student said, 'No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly
and his legs are apart just as we learned in class.'

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, 'We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you have. Could you tell us what it is?'

The old man said, 'I'll tell you, but first you must tell me what you two fine medical students think.'

One of the students said, 'I think it's Petry Syndrome.'
The old man said, 'You thought.... but you are wrong.'

Then the other student said, 'I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.'

The old man said, 'You are both wrong.'
They asked him, 'Well, old timer, what do you have?'

The old man said, 'I thought it was GAS......., but I was wrong too.'
_____

President Obama was looking for a call girl.

He found three such girls, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

To the blonde he said, 'I am the President of The United States.
Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
She replied, $200.

To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was $100.

He then asked the redhead.
Her reply was, 'Mr. President, if you can get my skirt up as high as my
taxes, my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as
the times we are living in, and keep it rising like the price of energy and
screw me the way you have the Country, then it isn't going to cost you a bloody cent!'
_____

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year the Wong’s have a new baby.

The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?



Sum Ting Wong