Fred,
Hang in there and don't give up. If you ever fall off the wagon, get back on it. It's worth it to finally be free.
I had to learn to really hate the li'l paper wrapped dudes to finally quit for good (1988). Or rather hate that something that simple... could permeate my every plan lest I forget them... or find myself where they were inconvenient to use. Held captive by a d@mn plant...
The urge does gradually go away, more rapidly at first, but it took about 4-5 years before the last little wisps of memory disappeared. Then it was like I had never started. I was free. When somebody else lights up, it still smells good for a second like it always did. But then it shortly smells stuffy just like it used to, like a pool-room of yore.
I did gain about 200 pounds after I quit. Quit the first of many times, that is. Forty pounds to 240 since then.
The first time, I just learned to read real books. I was a big fan of Huckleberry Finn and his corn-cob pipe and I secretly smoked down by the lazy river with my crude homemade affair.
I swiped my dads leftover Camel cigarette butts for tobacco since everything else I dried-and-tried was even worse. It was pretty bitter, but I was determined as he11. So I put a chunk of raw apple in with the tobacco and lined the pipe with real honey to sweeten it just like the magazine ads of the time showed. Huck and Jim woulda been proud of me, I know.
My mom found my stash hidden out in the yard, so I had to quit. Just as well as my tobacco pouch was full of ants anyway. On the upside, I think the ants and the honey story saved me from a wuppin.
...
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