Hal Traps the Turbo Porsche !!

[snake oil]

I thought that he said he was thinking about his
"OVER" involment with CC and other sites and
he was basically getting on to enjoy life for a while.

At least that's the way I read it .
I think he'll be back wait til it gets cold and snows.
He'll be back.

[casaleenie]

Too little, too late!!

[Buzz]

Woke up this morning and looked out the window - another beautiful day. I realised then that I have nothing in common with South Carolina and I barely even remember Noah (he was that dreadlocked French tennis player...right...?). After eating a classy breakfast of cornflakes (we're out of grapenuts), I decided to take the Great FPSB for a spin. After wiping the bird droppings from the top of my steering wheel and seat - damn things come in to steal dog food and relieve themselves all over the garage - I settled into the leather 60's style bucket seat and struggled with the @^%&&+#@ 5-point harness before caressing the throttle and tickling the tiny key to light up the fire in the belly of the beast. My dogs disappeared into the bushes as the mighty stroker finally fired after my 14 minute startup routine (flooded again!) and I grinned as a thundering backfire hastened their progress and drew an oath from my wife who had planned to sleep in after a late night of classy dining. Now firmly set in "road warrior mode", I eased out of the garage and idled down the long driveway heading for the open road and whatever adventure awaited.

The faint smell of the sea wafted on the early morning offshore breeze that rapidly picked up in intensity as the Great FPSB climbed through the gears, stretching its legs on the still quiet blacktop and I revelled in the car's quick reflexes and nimble steering as I dodged to and fro through a familiar pattern of potholes that I like to think of as my own personal slalom course. The fourth gear rumble from the ceramic coated sidepipes actually relaxes me and reminds me that no other car can evoke the sensations and feelings that one experiences in a Cobra, but I feel that my replica must come pretty close.

As luck would have it, I crested the small rise before the Pigeon Point turnoff and spotted a fat tired Suzuki Samuari cruising confidently not more than, say, 10 or 11 car lengths ahead. It was 6:45 am and there was no other traffic in sight so I cast all vestiges of social responsibility aside and decided to make good on the the advantage of surprise that I enjoyed - partly due to luck but more likely due to my skillful driving and uncanny sense of timing. Just as I eased up around his bumper, I thrust the authentic style shifter into second and goosed the throttle, evoking a terrifying roar from the stroker and breaking the BFG radials loose in a cloud of rubber particles, grit and and some dead animal that I hadn't spotted in time to avoid. As I bellowed and fishtailed past the hapless Samuari, I just had time to glimpse the expression of shock on the driver's face as his wife screamed and his kids burst into tears. Capitalizing on my advantage, I slammed a quick upshift , firing a parting backfire at my opponent and bogging the car as the revs dropped dramatically - $$hit! that was 5th! With a quick curse, I corrected my mistake and extended my lead as the Great replica surged forward and I watched the needle climb well past 150, 180, 210.. Jeezzus!! I forgot to toggle the damn cooling fans again! Time to find a place to stop.

As fate would have it, I was rapidly approaching the Rodney bay intersection and I was able to turn off and park in front of Cafe Claude's, a trendy bistro often frequented by well heeled tourists and visiting celebs. The breakfasting patrons gasped as I skidded to a stop and shut the beast down, no doubt in awe of the hissing, spitting monster parked not ten feet from their tables. I flung off the harness before climbing out and the crowd roared with laughter as I grabbed one leg and hopped around in circles all over the road. G-ddam sidepipes! The jerk in the Suzuki narrowly missed running me over as he sped by; no doubt trying to salvage some of his manhood after our little encounter. I waved him on with my middle finger and limped into the bistro, glaring around with a look that could only mean "Go ahead. Make my day. Ask me if it's real." No one took up the unspoken challenge and I was allowed to sit in peace sipping a tall, icy mango juice while the Great FPSB cooled down outside.

Later, as I cruised home in the building Saturday morning traffic, I reflected with satisfaction on my latest victory and wondered what adventure waited around the next turn.....

Stay tuned for the continuing saga.

DISCLAIMER:I tried my best not to incriminate, insult, discriminate or otherwise offend any FFR or other replica owners, waxers and racers with this story (note that there was no mention of the word REAL and all references to big or small blocks have been censored). If I still managed to piss anyone off, tough!

[aumoore]

Buzz

Hal would be proud. Thanks for the STORY. I needed that.


Makes me want to go out and stalk ricers and blast them with my pipes.

[Ron61]

Buzz,

Loved the story. Only bad thing is you missed the 225 MPH mark. We need someone to write stories like Hal did. Makes me realize just how dull my life is.

Ron

[DAVID GAGNARD]

Well, we may have lost Hal, and I for one will miss his stories,but looks like another "writer" has stepped up to the plate and filled in a large gap Hal has left...

Buzz,great story,keep an eye out,there may be Sidekick lurking around there also...........

David

[Buzz]

Ron, not sure how fast I was going - the needle went past 210 on the water temp gauge!

[Roscoe]

Knock...knock...knock

(the sound of a door opening)

Roscoe sticks his head in and says:

"Hey Buzz, Great Story but watch out for those PETA people. I'll be right outside the door if you need me. Just knock and I'll unlock it."

Bye

(the sound of a door closing)

Roscoe


__________________

[Buzz]

Thanks buddy. Nice to know you're still out there. See if you can get rid of the reverend. Tell him Al Sharpton wants to organize a march protesting unfair treatment of Porsche drivers.

[RawCobra]

ROFLMFAO (wiping tears from eyes) oh god, please stop, my back hurts...

[Excaliber]

,,,,,,Thanks Buzz,,,,,,now I'm REALLY gonna miss Hal's storys. LOL

Ernie

[KobraKarl]

Buzz,

Patrick McManus , you are!

KK

[RawCobra]

What I've learned from this thread:

- No good deed goes unpunished.

- A self-righteous prick earns more contempt than respect.

- Allocate your time wisely, choosing those things that are most important.

- Life goes on.

[ToyCollector]

Buzz, Great humorous way to make a point!!

[Jim Colman]

It's a rare event when I can read someone's post and ten minutes later I'm still grinning. Way to go Buzz!


Cheers
Jim

[wilf leek]

I have to spend a couple of weeks with my head down at work, and I come back here to find this.

Bill - have you never heard of literary merit, poetic license, or journalistic exaggeration?

I have thoroughly enjoyed each and every one of Hal's stories. And that is what they are - stories. With little embellishments along the way. That is what makes good writing, is this an unknown skill in the USA? And there was I thinking you had authors of merit in your own right. Maybe I should stick to the bard, and throw away my books by US authors.

If you think that your personal PC comments (and I am soooo tired of them, self righteousness is extremely limited in it's appeal) actually caused the man to hang up his hat here on CC, then you ascribe altogether too much importance to your scribbles. It is very likely that Hal is just moving on to another phase in his life, and my best wishes to him.

Hal - whatever you do, if you are even watching any more, this place is the lesser for your moving on. May the Great Stroker bellow and please you whatever you do.

Oh - BTW, if any more of the foul-mouthed-forum brethren are watching and laughing - try doing it to our faces, up front and personal. You may find it more difficult that way. S******ing amongst yourselves is juvenile.

[Dirt Cowboy]

Wilf,
There is no reason to introduce man language to The Family Channel #1. Through your post, and others, we know that approx. 95% of the pansy's here read our stuff, stop by if you got the sac.

Raw Cobra,
You are living proof of everything you learned from this thread, prick and all.

Ruble,
I thought us meany heads skeered you off.

Greg A. Warwick

[Excaliber]

I am the only one that can't figure out if Dirt Cowboy is coming or going?

einrE

[RawCobra]

No, Ernie, the rest of the civilized world is with ya.

[Buzz]

Let's not start getting all serious again! I wasn't trying to make a point so much as I was poking a bit of fun at all of us. Hal, Bill, myself and everyone in between. Sometimes it becomes apparent that we lose perspective, contradict our own stated principles and start taking ourselves, our opinions and our cars just a bit too seriously.
Dirt Cowpie, you're right about some things, brother. Many of us do visit the 'Net on occasion just as "you guys" follow what happens here on TFC. I get a big kick out of the way you guys carry on and your a$$kicking style in particular is second to none (just ask MrMustang and Cranky)
While I can't speak for others, I don't participate simply because it's not MY style but that doesn't mean I disapprove (as if it would matter) and it definitely does not make me a pansy. Speakin' of pansys, bro, somebody said that you're the dude in the sexy chaps that used to sing with the Village people. Please tell us it's not true - say it aint so!
I have a dream! Of the day when all replicas and cobra enthusiasts will be equal...........