Jokes

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Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.....
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A man goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?"

The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!"
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How many nails to make a lesbian's coffin?

None - it's all tongue and groove
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My wife said she'd kill me if I ever said my ex-girlfriend's name during sex. I did it last night and nothing happened. But then, I was with my ex-girlfriend.
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Just wondering:

Do gun manuals have a "trouble shooting" section?
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Meanwhile, at Taco Bell....

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A New York attorney representing an extremely wealthy antique motorcycle and art collector called and asked to speak to his client, “Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news.” The bike collector replied, “I’ve had an awful day; let’s hear the good news first.”

The lawyer said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right.” Saul replied enthusiastically, “Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You’ve just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”

The lawyer replied, “The pictures are of you with your secretary.”
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Disney Studios reported today that Al Sharpton's new film called "Jet Black", the African-American version of "Snow White", has been halted.

All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Pusher, Looter, Drive-By and Homeboy have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black women. According to Looter they damn sure have no intention of singing: "It's off to work we go"…
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A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.