Jokes

[bliss]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a sexy, loose fitting pink dress.

As they walked through the primates’ exhibit, they passed in front of a large silver back gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was pretty funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.

Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. With his encouragement, she did -- and it looked like the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now," he said, "show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. She was enjoying the attention and did it. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"NOW," he told her, "tell him you have a headache!"
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Little girl: "Mommy, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."

Mom: "Well pick one sweetie, you can't do both."
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I was kidnapped by a group of mimes.

They performed unspeakable acts on me