Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Funny and true....

On Wednesday, only two days after he lifted President Bush’s executive order banning federal funding of stem cell research that requires the destruction of human embryos, President Barack Obama signed a law that explicilty bans federal funding of any "research in which a human embryo or embryos are destroyed, discarded, or knowingly subjected to risk of injury or death."

The provision was buried in the 465-page omnibus appropriations bill that Obama signed Wednesday. Known as the ****ey-Wicker amendment, it has been included in the annual appropriations bill for the Department of Health and Human Services every fiscal year since 1996.

The amendment says, in part: "None of the funds made available in this Act may be used for—(1) the creation of a human embryo or embryos for research purposes; or (2) research in which a human embryo or embryos are destroyed, discarded, or knowingly subjected to risk of injury or death."
_____

Doesn't anyone read bills?
_____

Party Chatter

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him. "Hello" she said. "My name is Carmen Gold."

"That's a beautiful name" he said, "Is it a family name?"

"No", she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most in life, Cars, Men and Fine Jewelry.

"What's your Name?" she asked.

He replied, "B.J. Titsengolf".
_____

The two blonds had trecked deep and far into the forest looking for the "perfect" Christmas tree. After several more hours one turned to the other and said "I don't care if it's decorated or not, I'm cutting down the next tree I see."
_____

No problem
The latest telephone poll taken by the office of the Governor of Texas asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

A) 35% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."

B) 65% of respondents answered: "No es una problema serio."
_____

An old man goes into the local newspaper office and asks if he can place an obituary notice in the Births, Deaths and Marriages column for his deceased wife.

The receptionist says it's no problem, and it will cost him £1 per word. She gives him the form to complete, and he spends a moment or two filling it in. He hands it over to her, along with three pounds, and when she reads it,
it says simply, 'Doris is dead.'

'Oh, that's awful' she says 'but why only the three words?' 'That's all I can afford' he replies.

She looks quite upset, and says 'Just let me have a word with the Editor, and see what I can do'.

After a moment or two she comes back and tells him the Editor says he can have another three words free of charge. So he takes the form back and scribbles down some more, before passing it back to her.

She picks the form up and reads it:

'Doris is dead. Volvo for sale.'
_____