Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Little Peter asks his father one day, "Daddy, how was I born?". His father replies, "Ah, Peter my son, I guess one day you'll need to find out, so let me tell you how. Well, you see, your mother and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date with her via email and we met at a cyber cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither of us was using a firewall and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said: You've Got Male."
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Father O'Mally and Elvis"

Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious
as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late.

He hops on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las Vegas. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead Elvis! How have you been?"

Father looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like Elvis."

The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab and he's a little upset so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."

The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one fan! It's so great to see you!"

"Shut up, you imbecile." says the father "I'm not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!" So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel.

Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter. "Oh my God! Oh my God! It's you!" screams the hotel clerk. "You're back Elvis! I knew this day would happen. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complementary hookers and a full liquor bar! I'm so glad you're back!"

Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you... Thank you very much!"
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A Greek is culturally bragging to an Italian, "We invented democracy, we invented great architecture and realistic statuary. We virtually invented eros and sex."

The Italian says "They may have invented sex, but we introduced it to women."
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Gynecologist

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire life".
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An art thief was caught by police right outside the Museum.

The thief didn't have the Monet for Degas to make the Van Gogh.
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