I don't know if this pertains to Commander or not with his Manitoba address (unless he's deserted and the military is hunting for him) but the general ideas expressed in it are appropriate.
The speech George W. Bush SHOULD give:
Normally, I start these things out by saying "My Fellow Americans." 'Not
doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more
than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has
happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I'll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a
lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution
or something, let me assure you: there's been no breaking of laws or
impeachable offenses in this office.
The reason I'm quitting is simple. I'm fed up with you people.
I'm fed up because you have no understanding of what's really going on in
the world. Or of what's going on in this once-great nation of ours. And
the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure
it out.
Let's start local. You've been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the
news media. Polls show that the majority of you think the economy is
in the tank. And that's despite record numbers of homeowners including
record numbers of MINORITY homeowners. And while we're mentioning
minorities, I'll point out that minority business ownership is at an
all-time high. Our unemployment rate is as low as it ever was during
the Clinton Administration. I've mentioned all those things before, but
it doesn't seem to have sunk in.
Despite the shock to our economy of 9/11, the stock market has rebounded to
record levels and more Americans than ever are participating in these
markets. Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most
of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because
there's increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a
small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and
beachfront property than your economic security.
We face real threats in the world. Don't give me this "blood for
oil"
thing. If I was trading blood for
oil I would've already seized Iraq's
oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don't give
me this 'Bush Lied, People Died' crap, either. If I was the liar you
morons take me for, I could've easily had chemical weapons planted in
Iraq so they could be 'discovered.' Instead, I owned up to the fact
that the intelligence was faulty. Let me remind you that the rest of
the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. Let me also remind
you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came
into office. Some guy named 'Clinton' established that policy. Bet you
didn't know that, did you?
You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the
cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models
squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the
Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to
outspend and out-tech them.
That's not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don't care if
they survive. In fact, they want to die. That'd be fine, as long as
they weren't also committed to taking as many of you with them as they
can. But they are. They want to kill you. And the bastards are all over
the globe.
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the
United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've
got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law
enforcement and homeland security people have worked to make sure of
that. When this whole mess started, I warned you that this would be a
long and difficult fight. I'm disappointed how many of you people think
a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor'.
Instead, you've grown impatient. You're incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars
should last a few months, a few years, tops.
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every
time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a
cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dammit, you might just
as well Fedex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
In this day and age, it's easy enough to find the truth. It's all over the
Internet. It just isn't on the pages of the New York Times or on NBC
News. But even if it were, I doubt you'd be any smarter. Most of you
would rather watch American Idol.
I could say more about your expectations that the government will always
be there to bail you out, even if you're too stupid to leave a city
that's below sea level and has a hurricane approaching. I could say
more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is
where the money comes from. But I've come to the conclusion that were I
to do so, it would sail right over your heads.
So I quit. I'm going back to Crawford. I've got an energy-efficient house
down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully
self-sufficient. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected,
and as soon as I'm done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it
again. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last
pillars of America fall.
Oh, and by the way, Cheney's quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new
President. You asked for it. Watch what she does carefully, because I
still have a glimmer of hope that there're just enough of you remaining
who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.
So that's it. God bless what's left of America. Some of you know what I
mean.
The rest of you, well, you can just go jump off a bridge.
Linear Mode
