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 10Likes
01-14-2002, 08:52 AM
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CC Member/Contributor
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Greenville,
SC
Cobra Make, Engine: 70 Shelby convertible, ERA-289 FIA, ERA 289 roadster hybrid, mystery Ford powered 2dr convertible
Posts: 12,797
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Not Ranked
A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
__________________
Instead of being part of the problem, be part of a successful solution.
First time Cobra buyers-READ THIS
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01-14-2002, 09:53 AM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Professional Definitions of Professions
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
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01-14-2002, 02:47 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Two guys are riding to work on the bus. They both see two dogs goin' at it on a lawn.
One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Jeez, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that."
The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy. Just feed her three martinis."
The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning. The single one asks the other, "Well, did you get to do it to your wife doggie style?"
The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis."
The single guy exclaims, "SIX martinis! How come so many?"
The husband replies, "Hell, it took three just to get her out on the lawn."
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01-15-2002, 04:21 AM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted.
At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.
"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to remain calm.
Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, "At our house, we have everything."
"Don't be silly," the teacher replied, "not even the richest man has everything."
"We do," he answered, "My daddy said so the other day."
"Now, why would your father say such a thing?" she asked.
"Well, my fifteen year old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant.
That's when my dad said, "God, that's all we needed."
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01-15-2002, 10:36 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Central,
TX
Cobra Make, Engine: Midstates Cobra, RFGT40
Posts: 2,048
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Not Ranked
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.The bartender keeps staring at the guy. The guy finally says.."yeah, I know what you're staring at."
The bartender says "well, I'm sorry guy buy it ain't everyday you see a guy with a head the size of a grapefruit."
Yeah, I know but its's a long story." the guy says.
"Well go ahead and tell me the story. I got all day". says the bartender.
" Well it was like this" I was on a lonely beach one day and I
found a mermaid all tangled up in a net so I helped her get out
of it." For doing her a good deed she granted me a wish. I told her that I thought it would be nice to make love to her"
She said that she was unable to grant that wish because she her anatomy was not like other women. Well I thought about it for a second then I asked.."How about a little head."  
Hersh  |
01-16-2002, 11:01 AM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Germantown, TN,
Cobra Make, Engine: Superformance #770, Stroked 351W (393 cubes) w/ Tremec TKO-600, 3.27 Torsen locker, 'Hi-Tech' Blue w/ White Stripes, Wilwoods, Bilstein coil overs...and a big ear-to-ear grin!
Posts: 1,147
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Not Ranked
Along time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his dad. Looking at his dad's hands one day, the boy asks "Papa, I've seena you do many many t'ings witha you hands, but tella me abouta you fingers."
"Well, Tony," Papa said, "It's a like dis, you see this firsta fingah? You usea dissa one to
pointata what evea you want. You see youa t'umb? You usea thisa for turna da pages inna book, and your ringa finger, you will use whena you get a married, and youa little finga, you usea to picka you nose. And the middle finga, well, I'lla tella
you about thata one whena you get married."
Well, little Tony was satisfied with that and time passed. It was now Tony's wedding day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left, Tony went to have a talk with his Papa. Tony said "Papa, many a year I use dissa finger to
point atta whata I want, and I turna many a pages with my t'umb, I've pickeda my nose with dissa little one, now I havea beautiful ringa from my Gina on my ringa finger, but Papa, now I mustta know what I gonna do with dissa middle finger?"
Papa drew close to Tony and said "Tony, tonight you will makea da mad hot love to Gina, you woman, many times anna you willa getta very very tired, whena that happens anna you woman turnsa to you again wanting to makea the love, attsa when you takea you middle finga anna you poka on her head and say, 'Go backa to sleep, you silly woman.
__________________
Flyin_Freddie
"An opinion on everything...an expert at nothin'!"
WARNING: The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of the management, editors, or owners. We welcome differing opinions, and recognize our responsibility to offer differing views. May cause drowsiness, restlessness, or irritability. Do not operate heavy machinery while using this product. Void in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico, or where prohibited, licensed, or regulated by law. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Offer good while supplies last. No substitutions allowed. Please observe posted speed limits. Professional driver on closed course. Do not try this at home. Please wear your seatbelt at all times. Close cover before striking. Use at own risk. Please dispose of properly. Drink responsibly. Prolonged exposure to vapors has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. Do not use this product of you are pregnant, or plan on becoming pregnant. Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling fumes can be dangerous. Always wear safety glasses. In case of eye contact, flush with water and seek immediate medical attention. For occasional use only as directed. Avoid prolonged skin contact. Discontinue use if rash develops. If symptoms persist for more than three days, seek professional medical attention. Hearing protection required beyond this point. Danger: Hot surfaces. Use as directed. Proceed at own risk. Caution: Filling may be hot. Please don't litter. Actual results may vary. It is a violation of Federal Law to use this product in a manner other than as intended. Do not use this product if you have an enlarged prostate, or have difficulty urinating.
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01-16-2002, 01:41 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Just a Thought
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
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01-16-2002, 01:43 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Another New Thought
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
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01-16-2002, 01:47 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Thought after Thought
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
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01-16-2002, 01:47 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: Bay Area,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: What Cobra?
Posts: 7,193
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Not Ranked
Absolutely!
I can even direct you to the threads we are on!
I am one of them.
TURK
__________________
OBAMA IN in 2012
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01-16-2002, 01:49 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
For Turk
Does killing time damage eternity?
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01-16-2002, 01:51 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Or did he just whip it out
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
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01-16-2002, 01:52 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
How can there be self-help "groups"?
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01-16-2002, 01:53 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Olympia/Lacey,
WA
Cobra Make, Engine: West Coast. 514 / 6 speed Richmond overdrive
Posts: 1,981
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Not Ranked
I am SOOOO ashamed now !!
That I joined this club ! 
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
I Will NOT tell a joke,
NOSIR!!! Enough criminal activity on this thread for one website !!  |
01-16-2002, 01:56 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Gold Coast, Australia,
Posts: 628
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Not Ranked
No, we just call them less fortunate.
__________________
Cheers,Dave
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01-16-2002, 03:44 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
Not Jokes just Thoughts
Do pilots take crash-courses?
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01-16-2002, 04:55 PM
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Senior Club Cobra Member
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Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Rescue CA USA,
Posts: 1,613
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Not Ranked
CobraDan is building post count.
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01-17-2002, 07:28 AM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Cape Coral,
FL
Cobra Make, Engine: 2009 Solbra
Posts: 3,861
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Not Ranked
SIGNS OF WEAR
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make
love,"and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment You on your new alligator
shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
face.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the
parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
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01-17-2002, 12:01 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Germantown, TN,
Cobra Make, Engine: Superformance #770, Stroked 351W (393 cubes) w/ Tremec TKO-600, 3.27 Torsen locker, 'Hi-Tech' Blue w/ White Stripes, Wilwoods, Bilstein coil overs...and a big ear-to-ear grin!
Posts: 1,147
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Not Ranked
Dammit..Dave Samson....
__________________
Flyin_Freddie
"An opinion on everything...an expert at nothin'!"
WARNING: The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of the management, editors, or owners. We welcome differing opinions, and recognize our responsibility to offer differing views. May cause drowsiness, restlessness, or irritability. Do not operate heavy machinery while using this product. Void in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico, or where prohibited, licensed, or regulated by law. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Offer good while supplies last. No substitutions allowed. Please observe posted speed limits. Professional driver on closed course. Do not try this at home. Please wear your seatbelt at all times. Close cover before striking. Use at own risk. Please dispose of properly. Drink responsibly. Prolonged exposure to vapors has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. Do not use this product of you are pregnant, or plan on becoming pregnant. Intentional misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling fumes can be dangerous. Always wear safety glasses. In case of eye contact, flush with water and seek immediate medical attention. For occasional use only as directed. Avoid prolonged skin contact. Discontinue use if rash develops. If symptoms persist for more than three days, seek professional medical attention. Hearing protection required beyond this point. Danger: Hot surfaces. Use as directed. Proceed at own risk. Caution: Filling may be hot. Please don't litter. Actual results may vary. It is a violation of Federal Law to use this product in a manner other than as intended. Do not use this product if you have an enlarged prostate, or have difficulty urinating.
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01-17-2002, 12:50 PM
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CC Member
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Gold Coast, Australia,
Posts: 628
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Not Ranked
Freddie,
I'm just hoping those Hawian chicks will drop their fig leaves.
__________________
Cheers,Dave
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