Joke of the Day... - Page 7

mr0077 · #**121** (**permalink**) 12-30-2001, 06:48 AM

A cowboy was sitting at a crowded restaurant bar waiting for a table, and a woman sat down on the empty stool beside him. after a few moments, she asked him what he did. He said, "Well, m'am, I'm a cowboy. I was born on a ranch and I've been there ever since. I've been working with cattle as long as I can remember. I ride horses and work cattle, I herd 'em, I feed 'em, I do everything cowboys do...I guess that makes me a cowboy".
The woman said, rather proudly, "Well, I'm a lesbian. When I wake up in the morning, I'm thinking about having sex with women; all during the day, I'm thinking about having sex with women. I have sex with women as often as I can, and the last thing I'm thinking about when I go to sleep at night is having sex with women...I guess that makes me a lesbian.
About that time they called her name for a table, and she said goodby and left.
Soon after, a couple sat next to him, and the woman turned to him, looked at his cowboy clothes, and said, "Are you a cowboy?", to which he replied, "Well, m'am, up until about five minutes ago I had always thought I was, but now, I believe I may be a lesbian!"

CobraDan · #**122** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 03:47 AM

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer."
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

mr0077 · #**123** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 12:12 PM

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard, smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheets, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

mr0077 · #**124** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 12:21 PM

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman to his left says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

CobraDan · #**125** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 12:35 PM

On a TWA flight headed from NYC to Dallas, three strangers meet and start
conversing about recent worldly events.
The strangers were of varying cultures. One was an American Indian, another
was a West Texas cowboy, and the third was a devout
Iraqi Muslim. During their conversation, they began to discuss their
cultural history.
The Ogalala Sioux stated, "Once my people were many, now we are few."
The Muslim spoke up and said, "Once my people were few, and now we are
many."
The Texan looked at the Muslim, and with a wink and a sly grin said, "That's
'cause we ain't never played cowboys and Muslims before, but we're fixin to!

daveCarlberg57 · #**126** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 02:43 PM

The teacher walks into the classroom.

" Hello class, today we are going to spell some words, and use them in a sentence !"

the teacher says to Alfalfa - Your word is "wooden" So Alfalfa spells the word and uses it in a sentence " My uncle has a wooden leg."

Darla, your word is chaulkboard, Darla spells the word and uses it in a sentence " The teacher was writing words on the chaulkboard for us to see."

OK Buckweat the teacher said, your word is dictate, Buckwheat struggles, but spells the word and he uses it in a sentence - he says " HEY DARLA, HOW'D MY DICTATE ?

get it ?

ERA535 · #**127** (**permalink**) 12-31-2001, 02:52 PM

So this horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?.

Happy New Year all!

Ikestaa · #**128** (**permalink**) 01-01-2002, 07:09 PM

Grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You got a drink named Earl?"

Dave Samson · #**129** (**permalink**) 01-01-2002, 09:27 PM

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking
about the amount of control they had over their wives, while the
third remained quiet.

After a while one of the first two turned to the third and said,
"Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?"

The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife
came to me on her hands and knees."

The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then?" they asked.

The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered,
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

ERA535 · #**130** (**permalink**) 01-01-2002, 09:43 PM

A nice looking woman goes into a bar and tells the bartender she wants 7 martinis. Bartender sets the first one up and she says - " no, I want them all at once". He sets up the seven martinis - she drinks them all down, sits there for about 20 minutes and then falls off the barstool on her back. There are four or five guys in the bar and they all look at her lying there with her skirt up and all....pretty soon they all screw her. A few hours later she comes to and staggers out.

Next night the same exact story.

Next night the same story except there are a whole lot of guys in the bar because the word is out. Thirty guys all screw her.

Next night she comes back in and the bartender is really happy to see her because business has never been so good. So he says to her eagerly " Seven martinis?"

She answers - "no, they make my ***** sore".

An oldie, I know

CobraDan · #**131** (**permalink**) 01-02-2002, 04:23 AM

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all worked in an office with the
same female boss. Each and every day their boss would leave work
early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave
right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the
office when she left early, so how was she to know?

So that day, all three sneaked out of the office as soon as the boss
was gone.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little
gardening, baking and puttered around the house.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the
health club before meeting her dinner date.

The blonde was happy, happy, happy to be home, but when she got to
her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly,
she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in
bed with her BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out
of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they
were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming
with them.

"No way!" she exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday!"

CobraEd · #**132** (**permalink**) 01-02-2002, 09:04 AM

A redneck was walking along in the parking lot of Harvard. He stopped
a student also walking along and asked

"Xcuse me, . . Can y'all tell me where the library is at"?

The Harvard student replied.

"Up here, we do not end our sentences with a preposition".

The redneck scratched his head for a second and said.

"Well then, . . Can y'all tell me where the library is at, . asshole".