Joke of the Day...

[bonyhadi]

In the garden of Eden

In the garden of Eden,
As everyone knows,
Lives Adam and Eve,
Without any clothes. In this garden,
Were two little leaves,
One covered Adam's,
One covered Eve's. As the story goes on,
Nevertheless to say,
The wind came along,
And blew the leaves away. At the sight,
Adam did stare.
There was Eve's treasure,
All covered with hair. And wonder came
Under Eve's eyes,
As Adam's thing
Started to rise. They found a spot
That suited them best.
A nice big tree
Where they began to rest. Her legs spread wider,
And wider apart,
While thrill after thrill
Came into her heart. The head of Adam's thing
Peeked into the hole,
And filled her with passion,
Beyond her control. Backward and forward,
His thing did slide.
And Eve's treasure
Was all wet inside. The joy was good,
She wouldn't let loose.
Until Adam's thing,
Was all out of juice. Then down through the years,
People did screw.
And now it is time,
For me and you. So pull down your pants,
And lay in the grass,
Cause I'm in the mood,
For a piece of that Ass!
=================

Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world; it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
======================================
Did you hear about the couple who finally became sexually compatible? They achieved simultaneous headaches.
======================================
New Sexual Terms:
_*Splintercourse*_: The sexual act in an outdoor setting. (e.g., "I enjoyed having splintercourse with you on the picnic table at the MileMarker
189 Rest Stop.")

_*POTUS Interruptus*_: A sexual encounter prematurely ended when the Secret Service man assigned to you hollers that Hillary has
returned.(POTUS = President of the United States.)

_*Feastiality*_: Sexual food fetish. (e.g., "Man, did Kim Basinger have a feastiality problem in 9 1/2 weeks, or what?")

_*Nophyllactic*_: A form of birth control. Unlike the prophyllactic's barrier method, the nophyllactic utilizes the word "no" to avoid conception.

_*Bromo-sexual*_: Individuals who find sex nauseating. See also: "Women I've dated."

_*Wargasm*_: Sexual release which immediately follows a marital fight (e.g., "I'm so sick of waking up every morning to find your bowl of
Tosittohhhhhhhhhhhhs!")

_*Frommage 'a Trois*_: Literally, this means either "grilled cheese sandwich," or "three-cheese omelette" but it has come to connote two
same-sex individuals (the bread) and one opposite sex individual (thecheese).

_*Toupalactic*_: A powerful birth control method which is based on the man's wearing a wig so comical, sex is simply out of the question..
=========================
When your wife asks, "Do I look fat?"
The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?"
=======================================
Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?

They write the bill on a condom so you can wine and dine
your date, and then stick her with the bill.
=====================================
Certificate of Upgrade to Complete Asshole
Awarded to____________________________________In recognition of your
obnoxious attitude, ability to piss people off, complete asinine
juvenile behavior and total dedication to personal gain without regard
to the many hardships you have forced upon friends, family and others
during your lifetime, you have become a legend in your own mind.
To recognize your upgrade from half-assed to complete asshole, gives
all concerned great satisfaction. If anyone, for any reason, doubts
your status.
JUST BE YOURSELF......!!!!!
Effective as of this_____day of_________________2002
Per:____________________________
Authorized Signature
============================
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his
friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim
of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a
deep depression."
======================
She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.

She's done more screwing than Black and Decker.

She's turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.

She's been boarded more times than Amtrak.

She's been mounted more often than Trigger.

She's been with more animals than Marlin Perkins.

She's entertained more troops than Bob Hope.

She's been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.

She's been turned more ways than Rubik's Cube.

She's spent more time under men than barstools.

She's seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.

She's been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.

She's had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.
===========================
GOVERNMENT WARNING:
Eating female's organ is dangerous to your health because its 5% urine, 3% acidic, 2% fat & 90% addictive. Hehehe. Eat moderately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in was found to have almost $2,150 hidden in her vagina when she was busted for a phony prescription. As the story spread, local banks refused to
accept the money, considering it to be contaminated. One bank was finally convinced to take the money for deposit when it was brought in wrapped in plastic.

Someone must have fingered her...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pres. Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Chelsea's room.

She complains that it's the ugliest room in the White House.

Maid: Yes, Mr. President--I'll remove the mirrors right away.
=======================