Jokes

[bliss]

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: Good subject. Terrible times. It's about 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to
look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: But ... they are out of work!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work.
It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work... Those who are out of work
stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the
unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You
don't want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means they're two ways to bring down the
unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is
to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.
_____

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder .......

I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan. Having not seen my wife for several months, I was horny & hot, pulsing with anticipation and looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.
Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head, and I shot her.
_____

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The lady of the house was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: ''Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?''

Maria: ''Well, Se?ora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.

'Wife: ''Who said you iron better than me?''

Maria: ''Your husband said so.''

Wife: ''Oh''.

Maria: ''The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.''

Wife: ''Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?''

Maria: ''Your husband did.''

Wife: ''Oh''.

Maria: ''My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.

Wife (really furious now): ''Did my husband say that as well?

Maria: ''No Se?ora... the gardener did.''

Wife: ''So how much do you want?''