Jokes

[bliss]

What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
and the match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit
your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway,
leaving a simple six iron to the pin. Your opponent then hits his ball,
slicing it deep into the woods to the right of the fairway.

Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent
look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends,
your opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find
it in time, I'll concede the match."

You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet
from the pin.

About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent
exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!". The second sound you hear is a click, the sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out
of the woods and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from
the hole.

With that said, the "what if" question is:

What if you had your opponent's ball in your pocket?
_____

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you're a pansy. If you work too hard ... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough ... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ... it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks ... it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ... it's male indifference. If you cry ... you're a wimp. If you don't ... you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ... you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy ... that's domination. If she asks you ... it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ... you're a pervert. If you don't ... you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you're sexist. If you don't ... you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ... you're vain. If you don't ... you're a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you're after something. If you don't ... you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements ... you're full of yourself. If you don't ... you're not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she's tired. If you have a headache ... you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you're oversexed. If you don't ... there must be someone else.

So: Why do men die first? Because they want to.