Jokes

[bliss]

He grabbed me around my slender neck
I could not call or scream.
He dragged me to my dingy room
Where we could not be seen.

He tore away my flimsy wrap
And gazed upon my form.
I was so cold and damp and scared
While he was dry and warm.

He pressed his feverish lips to mine
I could not make him stop.
He drained me of my inner self
I gave him every drop.

Then he cast me from his side
So now you see me here.
An empty bottle thrown away
That once was full of beer.
_____

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.
_____

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.