Jokes

[bliss]

Cold weather can cause fights over control of the thermostat.

I like to keep the house cool, at 65 degrees, but my wife likes to
keep it at 70 degrees.

So, we compromise, and keep it at 70 degrees.
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I ran into my ex the other day. Then I put it in reverse and ran into her again.
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My wife of twenty years told me she has been faking orgasms every time we've had sex. I can't believe she faked it not once, but twice.
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Politics: poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "blood sucking creatures."
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If guns kill people.................................then spoons make people fat.
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Husband and wife.....

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
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