Jokes

[bliss]

A teacher was reviewing her class's homework assignment.
She asked Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human
body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated.
Susie stood up, shuffled her feet and said,
"Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."
The teacher said,
"Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body
enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."
Johnny said,
"That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its
original size when stimulated by light."
The teacher said,
"That's right, Johnny."
Then, she turned to Susie and said,
"Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a
dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big
disappointment."
_____

I'll bet he doesn't own a Cobra....

[bliss]

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way." So they did.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the
weatherman at once!

Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.

The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my Donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So instead, the King hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
______

[bliss]

Recently released from the United Nations reveal that:
Australian, Canadian, New Zealand and U.S. men between 50
and 85 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three
times per week.

Whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will rarely
have sex at all, statistically only once or twice per year,
if that.

This is very upsetting news to me . . . as I had no idea I was Japanese.
_____