Jokes

[bliss]

Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination.”

Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?”

“Yes,” said the attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”

“My God,” said Joe, “I’d better have two scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit.”

“That’s another thing sir,” said the attendant, “We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it’s the box office.”
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English can be weird....

It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat… They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not the moth in mother, Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there, Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there’s dose and rose and lose -- Just look them up -- and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart, Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Why, sakes alive! I’d learned to speak it when I was five.

And yet, to write it, the more I tried, I hadn’t learned it at fifty-five