Jokes

[cobra de capell]

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.
The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory
The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting
The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy
The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did
The ArnoldSchwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back
The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes
The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100
GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB
The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted
The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care
The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files
The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows
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1. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

2. There are 2 times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.

3. A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

4. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife.

5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

6. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

7. Married man live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

8. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. When a newly married couple smiles, everyone know why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

11. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

12. What is the different between a marriage and a war?
A marriage is a war which the enemies can sleep together.

13. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

14. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

15. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. (this one is so true!!)

16. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.

17. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

18. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

19. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

20. A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the theif was spending less than his wife did.

21. The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

22. My wife submits and I obey. She always let me have her way.

23. Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

24. A happy marriage is giving and taking. The husband gives and the wife takes.

25. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
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