Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Yes, sir.'
'Why, no, Billy!'

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
'Y'all come back!'
'Well, bless your heart.'
'Drop by when you can.'
'How's your Momma?'

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint
Straw hats and big sunglasses

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn
S'vanah
Foat Wuth
N'awlins
Addlanna


Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food



A few more Suthern-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a 'hissie fit' and a 'conniption fit', and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.'
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
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Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor whose got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.'
They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. and when we're 'in line,' we talk to everybody!
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In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,' 'sweet milk,' and 'light bread' .
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.
And 'Light bread' is white bread.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!

If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could.