Jokes

[cobra de capell]

Police Comments


The following police comments were actually taken off of police car videos around the country.

#15. "Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14. "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second?
In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a
9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11. "So you don't know how fast you were going.
I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
huh?"

#10. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9. "Warning? You want a warning? O.K.,
I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another
ticket."

#8. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

#5. "No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore.
We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as
many tickets as we want."

#4. "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3. "In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC.."

#2. "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."



And.................... THE BEST ONE !!!!!!!



#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women
tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
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A Catholic Priest and a Jewish Rabbi were walking along and the Priest spots a 12 year old boy..He speaks out to the Rabbi and says " Do You want to Screw him ?
The Rabbi turns to the Priest and says "Outta What"
_____

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.
_____

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart a** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
_____