Interested in a new Road Serpent

[Turk]

SpecialK

If you got someone to answer the phone, maybe you can post it on ClubSerpent for us.

Lately there has been some bad press regarding the quality of our customer service. There were a couple of troublemakers criticising us for everything from how we never pick up the phone to why we won't return their deposits.

One fellow went so far as to P. and moan about someone stole something out of his car while he was here picking up some parts.

We would never do that? We are not thieves, we are just a small company trying to make a buck. As soon as we get the buck made, we may even try a mold.
Then watch out everybody.

If Dora answered the phone, she must have been between clients.
Lately she has gone into being self employed and started a small business for herself. She is using the old paint booth to run her new "Healing Hands Massage Parlor".

She got it fixed up real good. With all the lights and scents for aorama theraphy, you would never know you were in a paint booth, other than the occasional kicking in of the old Downdraft suction motor.

Please stop by next time you are here picking up your tools, and ask her for the Vendor special. It is $5.00 off between 2.00 pm and 5.00 pm.

Thanks

TURK

ps. Does it have to have decals to make it an anniversary model. If not, then yours will definetely be one of them.
The deposit? You'll never see it again. "

"You may get your car but never your deposit" That is our new motto.

[ERA535]

Mr. Turk -

I have a lead on a used Road Serpent located in Carson City, Nevada!

The owner says it is the small block model with the setback engine....I believe that is a series 2?

I am leaving momentarily to view it....

Befor I leave I would like a few questions answered so if you could please call me in the next 5 minutes that would be good.

Just sign me,

Excited in Rescue

[Turk]

Mr. Backwards Black

Specification have been UNLISTED for sometime now. SInce our component suppliers will often switch everythng from brake pads to coolant (dextron to recycled) and all the variations in different rear ends we pick up at trade shows (swap meets) we have decided NOT to list any of the specifications in any of our literature.

We have gone to the English way of doing things.We are simply listing EXPECTATIONS. This way whatever you think it is, it just might very well be.

Keeps it simple. You are either happy or dissapointed. After all it was YOUR expectations, not our specifications you did NOT get.

Keeps the legal team here less busy, and allows them to spend more of their time on doing what they were hired to do at the first place. Suing the landlord at the trailer park we have lived almost two months now. They want us gone! We'll cost them over $200 before we move out and show them what we are made out of!.

Back off Mr. Landlord. You have met your match. See you on People's Court or Springer show.

TURK
RS V.P
Legal Dept.

[wilf leek]

Dear Mr Buckley.

I am saddened, although not entirely surprised, that you cannot appreciate the true loveliness of the Reliant. I am sure that this valiant manufacturer could make a bespoke aluminIum bodied vehicle for a discerning owner. I will speak with Tarquin Ffrench-Stephens, their Works Manager, to see if that might be possible.
In the meantime, please let me know if the picture below does not spark some interest. You have to admire the fine, elegant lines of this machine. I am sure you will agree that they are quintessentially "English". We are proud of such a heritage.

Mr Turk - I do hope you can see now, from the image below, why we here in olde englande have a sufficiency of automotive objects of desire. This is why we cannot bring ourselves to take from your good self, based as you are in a land of vulgarity. You need all you can keep.

http://www.clubcobra.com/photopost/d...al_3-30_01.jpg

[Turk]

Wilf
You put a set of mag. wheeels and a spoiler on that baby, then it would be something.

Do you think the owner would allow us to splash that body. We can see a future demand for something like that.

What the hell is it?

TURK

In America we have a saying that goes something like this...
Butt Ugly.
I might have misspelled the "butt", I am absolutely positive about the "UGLY" part.
wow!!
Don't you guys have some laws against things like that?
What is it Wilf? Is Ugly en vogue back there.
There was also the lady named Camilla Parker Bowles??? What is that all about?

[ERA535]

Mr. Turk,

If memory serves, that sir, is a Reliant Robin - although there are those who would argue to the death, people such as that lunatic Evon Harrison, that it is a Reliant Regal - possibly a Mk III version.

The replacement for that was the Reliant Finch, then there was the Reliant Wren, finally replaced by the acme of the marque - the Reliant Cock. The Cock had a single cylinder engine pumping out 39 horsepower.

A number of people elected to install the engine from the Cock in their 15 horsepower Robins. The were known around Britain as Reliant Cock-Robins.

The idea for the design was hatched by a bloke in the Reliant Motor Company upholstery department who thought he would go the 3 wheel Morgan one better. It did not work. He was therefore demoted to engine design.

Design inspiration for the coachwork was the open mouth and unsteady demeanor of a hatchling in its nest.


If you have any further questions, please feel free to ask.

Pat Buckley

[ERA535]

Mr. Turk,

I spent the AM in Carson City inspecting a truly thrashed Road Serpent. I have never seen an automobile so comprehensively run into the ground.

The owner, that scoundrel, attempted to have me believe that the car was "pristine". In fact he said that the car, if one could call it that, was in better condition than when it left the factory!

I asked him many questions, attempting to discern his opinion of his dealings with the Road Serpent organization. He was not very diplomatic. I suspect he must have been one of those "difficult" customers who one can never please - is this the case? His name was Elrod Baragemian......and his VIN was CSX 3809.....perhaps you could look him up in your records and confirm my thoughts about him. No one could be that negative about one company.

Needless to say I am still in the market!

Yours truly,

Pat Buckley

[bonyhadi]

Attempted to order Road Serpent badges and id kit from Finishline and Branda to affix to my bastard replica
and was told they were out of stock. Can you sell directly, of course at the same price as you sell to your aftermarket dealers? Please confirm it is ok to affix your trademark on my bastard replica. Thanks.
Daniel
P.S. When will you have a local dealer in Fresno?

[Turk]

We are closed now!
Next window please.

Our hours of operation are 9:00 AM-5:PM PST.

Don't call, don;t write, don't post outside of those hours. We have inlaws visiting and need the phone line for the ambulance and fire. Last time they were here, they trashed the place and had to call the sherriff twice on my uncle, and once because his kid set our cat on fire. Bad people.

Will get back to you tomorrow morning after they leave.

Thanks for your understanding!

TURK
OFF DUTY.

[ERA535]

I was checking out the line of AC cars produced in the 50's and came across the AC Petite.

That's right! The car that our Cobras descended from!

3 wheeler, 346cc, single cylinder 2 stroke. Rear engined.

Thanks Wilf.

[Jamo]

Mr. Turk
Well skrew you! I fixed it myself. Took the hood off and installed a seat in front of the engine for the bitc..er..wife. Turns fine and she doesn't fall off around turns now. Course, being down wind from her, I have to hear her bitc.....er...complaining--but I just step on the gas and she either shuts up or I can't hear her anymore. Handles just fine--no thanks to you!

Mr. ERA
That Baragemian guy in Carson City bought my old car--sortof had a few problems with it--I bought it from some fvcked up attorney from back east who lost control of his rivet gun--that's what caused the damage. He quietly went out and bought a new car--black I think, and told people he had simply painted the old one instead of telling them how he skrewed it up trying to get some rivets relocated.

[wilf leek]

Dear All,

Somehow I rather suspected that you would be incapable of understanding the design integrity embodied in the Reliant (and yes Mr Buckley - that is a Regal, there is some hope for you after all).
This excellent machine, with its 52 cu in powerhouse, has, in it's various forms, pleased, nay, delighted thousands of discerning english gentlemen over the years.
A common sight on our roads, all other road users (in their four (huh!) wheeled contraptions, usually signal their delight in seeing such engineering excellence. The signal commonly employed goes one better than that which I believe is used frequently in your country, in that it requires the use of two, rather than one, fingers.

Oh how one can enjoy the historic sights of olde englande as you proceed smoothly past them at a more sensible speed, 40 mph being the deliberate top speed of this piece of heritage machinery.
How can you not desire, with all your hearts, such finesse?

[Turk]

Sir Leek ??
!!yeah right! whatever.

"Sensible speed, 40 being the deliberate top speed"? Yes them were the good old days, before the modern cousins of this fine machinery pushed the speed of British cars on British roads to dizzying speeds of 46-49 mph. Yes those good old days.Damn the modern machinery.

I am beginning to believe RS series cars would have been right at home a few years back in England. I think nowadays with all the concerns for safety, braking,turn signals and all that uselees stuff we may find it not in our best interest to get our cars certified for that country.
Instead we will seek out for a distribution channels in a country that appreciate finer things. FRANCE comes to mind!

Can of cheap perfume, and some cheese with each purchase would be our marketing strategy. Can you still get French perfume in 6-pack?

TURK
RS.VP
Export Div.

[Turk]

Mr. Jamo
I am glad you were able to get your car back on the road with no help from us. Many of our customers do exactly what you did. God helps those who help themselves. So, buying one of our cars have become a religious experience for many. We are mighty proud of that fact.
300 cars in two years and as many conversions in the same period of time. God Bless them.

TURK
RS.VP
Warranty Division

[Turk]

bonyhadi
Reference 3688A

You are nothing more than a number with us!
Finish Line and Branda will not carry anything for our cars. Any longer. We realize Finish Line is a fine company ran by some guy with an Italian name who thinks he is a race driver or something. Actually he is too old to be a race driver, the manufacturer of his car just humor him. As for the company he runs.... don't believe it!
Some lady named Paula runs it,.He is just a shell.

Our difficulties with them go back to one time we sent them metric seats. They didn't like it a bit. We don't like to bad mouth people in public but I think that Enzo guy also drinks alcoholic beverages as well.

We have no choice but sell direct. We can't get anybody to carry our line any longer. Besides we have always enjoyed setting up dealers and then messing with them by undercutting their prices. It is a whole lot of fun.
It is better than watching MTV.

TURK
RS. V.P
Parts and Acces. Div.

[Turk]

Patrick Buck

As for the car you found in Carson City.... Frankly I am very surprised that you even found Carson City. I have seen you drive.

Did you go there in your Subaru. I thought Lake Tahoe Region had regulations concerning 2 cycle motors..

You must have gone on Interstate totally by-passing the lake.

As for finding one of our cars in Carson City,. do what most people do. Have it towed to some beat up barn, take pictures and put the pictures on ClubSerpent forum and caption it, "look what I found in a barn!!' and you are liable to get more interest than you can handle. Make a buck in the proces.
You do have a camera, don't you?

TURK
RS. VP
Remarketing Div.

[wilf leek]

My dear Mr Turk,

I do feel that exports to a part of Europe for your "car" may be possible. However I am sure that the French would have nothing to do with it, unless of course you could incorporate a wine bottle, sausage, and string of garlic, holder somewhere on the vehicle.
And in any case, unless you could brand it as Peugeot, Renault, or some such, they probably would not purchase them anyway. Local content would appear to be the key, although from my experiences with this race, locals incontinent is more likely to be the case.

No- far more likely to succeed would be exports to the likes of Romania, Estonia, or Bulgaria. These countries are, so far, unsullied by requirements such as reliability or value for money, Their road networks are very simialr to those of olde engande, so questions of top speed etc. would not be raised. Plus they have no extradition treaties with your land, so non- returnable deposits would work well.

Maybe you could sell them that batch of race-prepared RS's which you abandoned in the desert some while ago? You know, the SC version, "Specially Crude" ones?

I, of course, remain etc.

[blykins]

Turk,

I'm interested in a Road Serpent. How much of a deposit do you require? Does the kit come with a frame and body? Does it come with anything....or are parts an option?

I also have a Briggs and Stratton 15hp 2-stroke that I would like to have installed in it. Can you mate that to a Tremec 3550?

Thanks,

Brent

[blykins]

Oh, one last question...

I heard the street car versions were based on an '87 Yugo GL frame. Is this true? If so, I'm extra interested. I had a brand new Yugo once....put a 502 BBC in it. It would jump small horses when you launched it.

Brent

[Turk]

blykins

Deposits are negotiable. It is proportionate to your expectations!
If you expect a car right away, it would be a bunch. If you are willing to wait a little longer, smaller deposit would do. If you don't expect your car for some time to come, the deposit would be smaller yet.
If you never expect to see this car, like many of our satisfied customers, then any amount would be OK.

This may sound like a scam, but actually when those folks who gave us a deposit (and never got a car) meet those who got their car, only then they realize that they really got the better deal.

Once they see the cars, they call us and thank us for never having built theirs. Most say "just keep the deposit, I am dropping the charges".

On the other hand, the ungrateful few who got the car remain annoying the heck out of us with their silly request for this part and that part.

I wished we had never sold them the car also. Our CSI nuimbers are much higher with those suing us for their deposits than those suing us for parts, and warranty, and service.

TURK
RSVP
Customer Service