Jokes

[Ron61]

IDIOT SIGHTING


IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the
service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I
announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already
got that side.'


This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not
have a 'large' enough motor on the opener..

I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made
at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I
responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is
larger than two.'
We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I
gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed
her a quarter.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this
way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get
the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed
me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind
of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in
change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area.. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER
CROSSING sign on our road... The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by
cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be
crossing anymore.'

>From Kingman , KS

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell
and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind
the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceburg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City

[Bobcat]

When I was 13 , I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs . When I was 16 , I got a girlfriend with big boobs , but there was no passion , so I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life .

In college I dated a passionate girl , but she was too emotional . Everything was an emergency ; she was a drama queen , cried all the time and threatened suicide . So I decided I needed a girl with stability .

When I was 25 , I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything . Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement .

When I was 28 , I found an exciting girl , but couldn`t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another , never settling on anything. She did mad , impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy . She was great fun initially and very energetic , but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition .

When I turned 30 , I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet firmly planted on the ground , so I married her . She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned .

I am older and wiser now , and I`m looking for a girl with big boobs .

[Ron61]

Should children witness childbirth? Good question.

Here's your answer.

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby.. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack him again!'

If you don't laugh at this one, there's no hope for you.

[Ron61]

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the b! uzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer inWichita , KS



IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,' our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

[Ron61]

Irish pickup line .......................


Irish Pick-up Line

An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch
several times in the space of a few minutes.

The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running
late?'

'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch.

I was just testing it.'

The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch?

What's so special about it?'

The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'

The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'

'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies,
'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says,
'Bloody thing's running about an hour fast.

Can I buy you a drink? '

[VRM]

A truck driver sees a beautiful girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops. "What are you doing?" he says. "I'm trying to commit a suicide," she says. "Well, before you jump give me a blowjob." So, she does. After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent you got. Why are you committing a suicide?". "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

[Ibr8k4vetts]

Originally Posted by VRM

A truck driver sees a beautiful girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops. "What are you doing?" he says. "I'm trying to commit a suicide," she says. "Well, before you jump give me a blowjob." So, she does. After she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent you got. Why are you committing a suicide?". "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

You are killing me...