Jokes

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The wife and I were discussing all aspects of our future.

"What will you do if I die before you do?", I asked my wife.

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house
sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who
might be a little younger than her, since she is so active for
her age.

Then my wife asked me, "What will you do if I die first?"

"Probably the same thing."

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Three reasons to live in a warm climate.....

Number 1 reason....





Reasons 2 & 3 (not for work display [potential Cobra passenger])

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Do you ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

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Time to vote for parent of the year

Mod Note - Link deleted at owner's request

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A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone Who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said,"I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,"Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news.
Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood
work just came back normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said,"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried.God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied,"You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said,"No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me crap."